Humans are imperfect. We disappoint, fall short, and hurt each other. In our darker times we mean to hurt others, usually the harm is unintentional. Often we don’t realize our effect or don’t care. It goes with the territory. Since we are all both perpetrators and victims in this arena, why do we so quickly cover over and forget our own short falls, but long remember and dwell on the injustices done to us?
It is appropriate to review our experiences and learn from them. If we were treated poorly in the past, we likely had some role to play, small or large. We do not want to repeat behaviors that invite being disadvantaged, but part of the human experience is that it is so tempting to dwell on those experiences when we were “done wrong,” playing the tapes with different responses by us that might have caused a different outcome. Worse yet, it is tempting to dwell on new action we might take that could even the score…how sweet that might be, we are tempted to think. Truth is, it would not be very sweet for very long. Spending time thinking these thoughts is taking the low road and leads to a disappointing destination. What is the high road? Forgive and move forward. FORGIVE?!? But you don’t know what THEY did to me! Right, but I do know the greater the injustice the greater its power to suck the life out of your potential future.
Forgiving does not have to involve the party that wronged us directly. They may never know. Nor does forgiving them mean that you will ever have any other dealings with them necessarily. Forgiving is simply the process of working your way to feelings of neutrality about the wrong and the person(s) who wronged you. It is largely a mental versus emotional process; at least it is lead by the intellect, not the heart. It begins with the recognition that animosity or anger works like an acid. Acid first eats the vessel that holds it. If you nurse the wound and the hate, you are eating up your own insides. Figure out how to pour out the acid and you will be the first to benefit. Forgive and you are the first and primary one to gain.
The best revenge is to live well. That is harder to do if you are focused on events of the past and experiencing negative emotions about them. So to improve your chances to live well, make a determination to let it go and move on. If you use your head to lead that process with dogged determination, eventually your heart will follow.
Last tip: When you think of the past and it is painful or makes you angry, just force yourself to smile. That will have an immediate effect on your feelings and confuse others. Try it.
